I am puke
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
