my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
