i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to make a zoo with you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
