I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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