You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
