I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
