You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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