I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
