Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My pussy is not your playground.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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