ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
