if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need water and some morals
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
