I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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