Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
