suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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