Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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