My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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