There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
