i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
