Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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