Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
