dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
