Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
