He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
