; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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