i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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