Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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