I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
