its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
