I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
