I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
