I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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