I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
