Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
