Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
