So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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