I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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