This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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