good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
