I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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