u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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