lets start a swedish sibling band together
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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