We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
