just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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