She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
