I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
