Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
