guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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