im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
