He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
