after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
