covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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