because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
