Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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